A New Perspective

Perhaps I have been hasty in some of my assumptions...

For the longest time, I have seen things in a very clear manner. As some have said, it really is all black, white, and gray. In many cases, this is absolutely the truth. There are the two extremes of every situation, and in between there are innumerable combinations of the outcome, all those shades of gray.

Take happiness. One can choose to be happy. One can choose to be miserable. One can find contentment, irony, sarcasm, sorrow, anger, rage, and so many other emotions... however the truth of the matter is these are all combinations of the two extremes. As for me, I have always been about living in the gray area. I do not like extremes... they are much too childish. Of course, I have been prone to them from time to time... but I always try to bring myself back to that area that is the middle ground, the safety of what is the combination of the known world.

I had forgotten all about color.

Now let me explain. For those of you who read this and who really know me, you understand how quickly I think and process. My ability to consume information and draw the correct conclusions to make the right decisions is extremely fast. It is just the way I am. I have no inhibitor on the sensory input that is life. My only way of dealing with all of this sensory overload is to automatically narrow options. It is a process which takes time. Imagine that you are deep sea fishing, in one of those boats which draw the net behind them. You are looking for the best catches you can find (these would be the right decisions to make for any given situation in your life, even something as small as what to do on a video game, what to have to drink, where to go for dinner). Now, some people's nets only collect a few catches; they do not drag deep enough. For others, like me, they drag the net towards the depths, as well as target the most populous areas of fish to get the largest diversity. Now, when an average person draws up that net, they are only seeing the types of fish they are looking for. They block out the other types of fish. I see all of those fish. No matter what they are. So my only way to make decisions on what fish to keep and what to throw out is to look through every fish very quickly and target only specific types.... quite a problem when you get a large haul. Up to this point, I have only been targeting three types of "fish" (aka decisions): black, white, and gray. I have been leaving out the colorful "fish" (the decisions which don't necessarily have to be a combination of extremes but more a combination of subtleties) because there is just too much sensory data there to make sense of at the speed I process.

However, as I have been discussing my conundrum with several friends (as well as seeking other forms of advice and contemplating it myself) it has occurred to me that perhaps I can institute more "color". How does this relate to anyone but me? Well, let me tell you.

I realize that I am not the only one with issues in life. We all have problems. Perhaps this is because many of us tend to think in black and white. Many people have strong emotional reactions to situations because some things in their lives they consider to be do or die. If you don't think so, ask yourself how you have felt when you overreact to a situation, get upset for no reason, have to vent to someone for anything. This is because some situations are black, white, or gray to us. We don't consider taking a different path. There are other emotional responses to consider to situations.

Let me give you a personal example. When something bad happens to me I do one of three things. A) Analyze the situation and simply do not allow myself to feel a reaction until later; B) get overwhelmingly angry, and let my sarcastic "walls" show through; C) grow sad on the inside, but attempt to relieve the situation and reconcile myself to the circumstances. I had, up until recently, failed to see the point of seeing the good in the situation. Perhaps this makes me a pessimist... if you wish to label me you are free to do so. However, I believe there are many people (at least many of my friends) who have these same reactions because they are essentially moral, helpful people. I think that there are many who usually react this way... who even if they are hopeless optimists tend to get sucked into the cruelness of life and the depressing points of a bad situation. It takes different people different amounts of time to find the good in the situation. Some can do it quickly, others cannot.

This post is for all of you like me. Some will read this and scoff, believing that a person like me should have figured this out long ago. However, you have not seen what I have seen. I have had many reasons to have bad outlooks on life, to prefer loneliness, desperation, sadness, and anger instead of hope, happiness, and understanding. Only recently have I learned to see this color. If you are a generally bright person and do not see the evil in life, I applaud and envy you. You have lived a life that for many parts is devoid of sorrow. Or perhaps, as I know several of my closest friends have, they have just come to these conclusions quicker than I have (for that I can only say that I have much more data to sort through, no offense intended). So, for all you people out there like me, who see the black/white/gray spectrum... try color. Try to look at life as life or death. There is more... as I learn more I will post it... I hope that this little self-realization aids someone else besides me.